Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Let's get the cat blown out
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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