the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
