So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
