READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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