last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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