wake up i wanna do it froggy style
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
