Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
