You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize