a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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