He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
