I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
