guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
im about as happy as oj after his trial
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
