we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
