is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
