when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
