As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
