like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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