Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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