ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
