He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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