is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
