Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
