i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
