Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
