You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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