It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
