just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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