I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
