Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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