My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
