stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
