do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
