I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
