i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize