I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
