Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Help. Why am I so naked?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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