I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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