the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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