Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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