My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
They have beer where we have blood.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
