Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
