She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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