I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
