after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
