my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
