Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
