Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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