After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
