I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
