We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
