I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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