whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i love accidental penises.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
