I need to stop coming to work sober
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
