Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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