no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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