Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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