i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
