he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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