My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
