i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
