Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
