I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
