I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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