how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
