Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
