First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Randomize
