pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
